And for the rules...
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:And for my story..
- end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
- include the word "orange" in the story
- write in the same genre you normally write
- make your story 200 words exactly!
“Shadows crept across the wall—“
“You can’t be serious,” I said.
“Huh?” Wyatt looked up from his paper.
“You can’t seriously mean to start out that way.”
“Why not?” He pushed his thick glasses further up his nose.
“It’s boring. Like starting out with It was a dark and stormy night.”
“But I like this beginning.”
“It sucks. And being the little brother of yours truly in Mrs. H’s AP English class means that you cannot suck. How about starting with something wild, like Two kangaroos jumped across the Australian Outback.” Wyatt rolled his eyes, pushed back his desk chair, and stood up.
“I’m getting something to drink,” he said.
“Bring me something too,” I called after him. “It’s going to be a long night.”
He returned moments later with two glasses of orange juice. I took the one with more juice and gulped greedily.
“Okay,” I said wiping my upper lip, “Now I was thinking…” But I couldn’t remember what I was thinking. My head felt heavy and light at the same time, like an air-filled bowling ball wobbling on my neck.
“What did you put in this juice?” I asked, but before he could answer everything faded.
Clever opening! And I like how there's development for such a short piece. I had a picture of Wyatt in my head, but... maybe he's not quite what I thought after all! And now I need to find out more! Great job.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah!
DeleteI love this! You are definitely getting my vote! The beginning made me giggle, and the ending was definitely a twist I didn't expect. Must know what happened to Wyatt's sister, and what Wyatt put in the drink. I insist, as your CP, to have these answers revealed!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Amber! Ha ha...can't really say I know what happens to the sister. Maybe he'll show up in a story someday and you can critique it :)
DeleteWell this is a different take on the challenge! I really loved how the majority of the piece was dialogue. What a huge amount of character development in such a small amount of words! Well done :D
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteLoved it! I did start something once it was a dark and stormy night - really good - this I mean (103)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteSibling rivalry at its best!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Julie!
DeleteThat's one way of getting rid of the interfering sibling! ;) Love how you used the starter prompt!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteThis is great! Definitely a fave. :)
ReplyDeleteOh gosh. Unexpected twist! I like how you created a story about creating a story. Very . . . well, creative :)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI got quite a chuckle out of this. What an interesting take on the Challenge! I love it!
ReplyDeleteUh oh, someone just got slipped a mickey. Nice one! :)
ReplyDeleteLoved this one! Very clever opening! Nice job! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm #37
Thanks!
DeleteLike this a lot. At first I was laughing at your original take on the prompt, then we had the sinister twist which I didn't expect. Kind of an extreme reaction on the part of Wyatt, which makes me want to know more about their rivalry.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteDialogue that's easy to jump into and makes you want more, More, MORE!
ReplyDeleteLaurie Buchanan, entry #92
Loved it!! Great use of dialogue!! I love using dialogue in flash fiction. I wish you'd written more of the story! Why would he drug her!? Great job!
ReplyDeleteI'm entry #19
Thanks!
DeleteExciting dialogue and fun twist - nice work!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteI'd poison my brother, too.
Very cool! Love how you included "it was a dark & stormy night." LOL! I'm #61.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Deletetough crowd! wonder why he slipped him a mickey!
ReplyDeletenice job!
Smart little youngster...sometimes being the younger sucks. Enjoyed this cool tale.
ReplyDeleteThanks! As the older one...I wouldn't know, but I'm sure my little brother would agree!
DeleteWhoa, didn't see that coming! I loved the humour in this piece :-) Also loved how the little brother knew that his sibling would take the glass with more juice ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteAs a younger sibling there were a few times I thought of drugging my know it all siblings. Wait did I say that out loud?
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteThis was a really fun take on the prompt. I loved the ending too.
ReplyDeleteI"m #123.
Thanks!
DeleteHa! I like this. What did he put in that juice? Mine is #71
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteAh, sibling fights. You got that down perfectly! Though I wouldn't drug mine.
ReplyDelete#109
Ha ha...me neither (but I have to admit I've thought of it). Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteNow, this was really very funny! Win!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteHahahaha good story. :-D
ReplyDeleteThanks Misha!
DeleteHer brother drugged her? Man, why didn't I think of that? I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha...Thanks!
ReplyDeleteCongrats! You've been shortlisted as one of my top 2 to move on as a SEMI-FINALIST. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYea! Thanks Miranda!
DeleteWonderful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Traci!
DeleteHa ha! I love it. Wonderful interaction between your characters, and a nice twist on the mandatory opening.
ReplyDeleteThumbs up for you at Rachael's!
Thanks Elizabeth!
DeleteHahaha Loved it! You get a vote from me. = )
ReplyDeleteI'm #149
melissamaygrove.blogspot.com
Thanks Melissa!
DeleteThat ending totally got me! Nice twist! :-)
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that ending either! Nice twist!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteCongratulations, you have been chosen as a winner in the first Campaign challenge.
ReplyDeleteYea! Thanks!
DeleteAwesome, job Carrie! Made sure to vote for this one.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenn!
DeleteAha, very clever Carrie! Great opening (I was so interested to see what people would do when I provided them with such a cliched beginning :D). And loved the twist at the end (amen to what Rachel Morgan said about the orange juice!).
ReplyDeleteI've awarded you Fifth Place overall in the Judging Round! A huge congrats to you, and don't forget to pop by my blog to see the prizes you've won :)
Hugs,
Rach
Thank you Rachael! I'm in shock.
DeleteThank you so much for all you do and for hosting these awesome campaigns!
Congratulations on your win! I need you to contact me so that we can get your prizes to you=)
ReplyDeletekathleen dot doyle88 at yahoo dot com
ASAP please=)
Hey I tagged you in the Lucky Seven meme for the 4th Platform Builder's Campaign. Go here to see what it's all about. http://caenus.blogspot.com/2012/04/lucky-seven-meme-and-sky-throne-excerpt.html
ReplyDelete